Thursday, June 7, 2012

Ugly Cakes - Reviewing their Snickerdoodles.

By now you know I'm a jerk.
If you've ever gone out to eat with me, you REALLY know I'm a jerk.
Especially when it comes to food. I'll eat anything, but I'll whine and complain about the sauce being wrong or something most of the time. I'm a man of discerning tastes, people. A snooty, snobby Foodie.

Figured I'd review something edible. So I messaged Ugly Cakes for an order.

Two days later the sky parted, and an angel landed. I think her name was Lindi or something, doesn't matter, what matters is, she brought Snickerdoodles. Ugly Cakes is a local venture, brand new, consisting of Cindy the Baker and her daughters.

Though I've enjoyed some of Cindy's baking before, years ago, she's since taken it much more seriously. I had to know if this was for real.

I handed the angel a twenty. She took it with a gracious bow, then flew away on a unicorn leaving me and the Snickerdoodles together at last.

I held them close, looking over both shoulders, and ran up to my apartment.
With the door locked, and the blinds closed, it's just me and these cookies now.

Sure I've done well lately, losing 18 pounds by eating healthier.
But clearly, little things like being attractive and living longer mean NOTHING when I smell these cookies.
I'm so entranced by the scent, so thoroughly seduced by this bag of sin, that I nearly missed the adorable packaging. I was going to expand more on this, but I can't take it anymore. I need a Snickerdoodle in me right now.

Ripping open one of the bags, it seems Ugly has blessed me with a number of generous extras. I ordered a dozen, but got somewhere between 16 and 18. (In hindsight, I'm not certain of the original number, because I ate them too quickly to stop and think.)

Unwrapping the first Snickerdoodle, it sits heavily in my hand. It's big, it's round, it's soft. Bits of warm cinnamon and sugar smile with tiny bursts of light. The cookie seems to beat in my hand, as if it has a tiny heart that loves me.

I take a bite.
My entire body shivers. The room brightens for a moment.
There's nothing like this in a store or restaurant anywhere.
These weren't just baked. These were meticulously created... by someone who probably has superpowers.

This wasn't just eating a cookie, it was living an experience. An event everyone should have in their life at least once. Like the first time being stoned, or the first time making love.

But we're on a diet. Each one of these surely has more calories than a normal person needs.
Shut up brain, you don't know what happiness is.
But I do. I've found it. I've found happiness, and I have 14 fleeting moments of it left.

Now 13.
Now 12.
Now 11...

No comments:

Post a Comment